visiting (1): invited to join or attend an institution (such as a university) for a limited time | (2): playing on an opponent’s grounds
I am currently visiting home and that comes with a slew of new things. On one hand I should know everything around me right? I grew up here. On the other hand I need to be open to seeing change. People, including those that I grew up with, can change and I need to allow for that occasion. So the stage is set for turmoil. “I’ve moved on from past failures.” “I’m a new man.” “I was in a bad place, but I have come to a better place.” “Toss out the old bad stuff, burn it, it serves no purpose.” This is a strand of thought I can very easily be led into and then forget that I am not the center of the universe. My family, and former associates have their own lives as well. This thought is easily swept over by that second definition above. Coming home for a time can feel like a fight to maintain who I have become.
Some backstory. I was not the best guy in high school and college. Though I certainly didn’t kick over little old ladies at crosswalks or anything of that nature I was hypocritical and quick to make myself look righteous. I find those less externally detrimental than the former, but it dug a spiritual hole that I found quite difficult to climb out of for reasons of disdain and comfort. Long story short I don’t like the person that I was then. So naturally coming home has a lot of what? You guessed it: triggers. There are many sights, sounds, and smells that call me back to the former man and that can suck.
I think these triggers are supposed to be a gift. He is a good Father, amen? Everything is grace, amen? Triggers=Grace=Gift Rather than viewing these things as an opportunity to beat on myself, a change of view to an opportunity to praise the Lord should be in order. What a blessing to be reminded of what He has done for me. So why then is being home difficult? Because this process is constant, whether it’s old faces or a book with a note in it from times gone by. That said, the longer that I have been committed to the Lord the easier this becomes. The grace builds and therefore that which was once undoable becomes easy. The more that I lean in the more he gives and the more opportunity therefore to lean in is given.
Hard 90 degree turn here: my dad and I were sailing a few days ago. It has been a few years since I sailed, but I was pleased that the skill came back relatively quick. Sailing requires a lot of attention, a lot. Constantly checking surroundings and adjusting based on the wind and waves is great fun to focus in on. You are at the mercy of your surroundings and they can at times be less that forgiving. That said, even when the wind is dead I found that, at least on the catamaran, the rudder can be used as the world’s slowest paddle. It’s not the best way to get along; imagine a being in a pool with a PFD and instead of kicking across you have to use a cutting board to propel yourself across. Not very practical, but in a pinch it works. The point is even when what you set out to do isn’t happening the destination, by unanticipated means gets reached. God always brings you to the place you need to be if you let Him. So let Him.
That’s all I’ve got! Again, if you want to hear about a topic please email me under the “Contact” tab! God bless, and please know of my prayers for you.