My apologies for the delay in responding to your most recent letter brother. I know that it was not easy for you to send that letter so please know that I do not respond with haste or lack of vestment.
You have been scarred brother as I well know. It is no small thing what you have done, going to the Lord with these scars. Do you realize how profound of a step towards Him this is!? I will curb my elation so as to not overwhelm you, but it suffices to say that you have lept toward Him in faith. The subsequent reaction to this act of faith is most interesting to me. You say, “I am less afraid now, and somehow more.” Do not let this mix of feelings dissuade you brother. I will try to shed light on them now.
When we come to the Lord with all that we are He takes us as we are. There is nothing left behind, no stone unturned. This is very freeing, because it is the only time that we are perfectly received. It is in this moment that fear is evaporated, because there is simply no room for it in this embrace. I remember when I first brought everything to the Lord, the pleasant and otherwise. I was amazed by how quickly everything faded and the only focus was Him. The only thing that I could perceive in that moment was His gaze. It was then that I became afraid.
If we were truly aware of God’s presence in every moment of our lives we would be trembling. If we experienced His awesome might every moment, we would be unable to move. His glory surpasses everything we can presently comprehend. I believe that in moments of surrender we get a small glimpse of this. It is in this instant that we are struck, paralyzed with fear. This fear is not like that of the one previously evaporated, no. This fear is a holy awe. This fear is good and humiliating. It ultimately reminds us who we are.
You are a son, dear brother. I am ecstatic to hear that you have recognized that in some way. You do realize how tremendous this is, right!? Earlier I said I would “curb my elation,” I now redact that statement. You have done something that most men live their lives to afraid to do. You have boldly recognized you shortcomings. You have acknowledged that you are not enough on your own, you need a saviour. You have said that you are weak and He is strong. Brother, see the glory that the humble man brings. His face is set on the sun and he thus beams with its shine. You have looked to the Son and said, “here I am, but more importantly, You are here.” You have switched the importance from yourself to other, which is what it means to become a man. Brother, this is momentous. You must celebrate! Commemorate this occasion with some special thing. More importantly brother prepare yourself for tomorrow. Now that you have taken another step toward Him the evil one, the world, and the flesh will be clawing to get you to turn away. It may become more difficult than before, but it will be an anointed, joyful struggle. Take heart, the best is yet to come.
I look forward to your next response brother and humbly know of my continued prayers for you.
-Your brother in Christ